Dog Food

I wanted to unfreeze one of those freezer brand pizzas the other day. I heated up the oven, and before I could put the pizza inside, my mom completely shoved me and the pizza out of the way and put a clump of dog food in the oven! No lies.

Me: Why are you putting dog food in the oven?

Mom: The vet told me it would make a crispy treat for the dog!

Me: … Now I can’t put my pizza in the oven because it will taste like dog food.

Mom: No!

Me: Yes… and the whole house is gonna smell like burning dog food now. Good job!

Mom: No!

Dad: Why would you put dog food in the oven?

Mom: No!

(the phone rings)

Me: Hi?

Vet: Hi, Gina. Why did your mom put dog food in the oven?

Me: I don’t know. Bye.

Vet: Bye.

Mom: No!

...

Hello, mother. Do you actually read this?